Ahem why?

Why is it that I cant stop thinking of Grace? Im going nuts i think i have it controled but the next moment im all about her. Fuck this sucks.She tweeted that she was out last night and i know she doesnt like to go to the places she said she was at so i know shes with someone and it hurts. I have always done and acted the right way and after the brakeup i had this thought that i should do what ever i want. so i have been on a downward spiral since. i was drinking and driveing. i wasnt that bad but i could lose my job. i was doing things around my kid that arnt good. i was on my way to the bottem fast. now im kinda seeing 6 girls at once. its true the nice guy finishs last so i thought i whould be the asshole for a time and see how it works. i know i can have sex with atleast 4 of them. i dont know what the hell im doing . i know that i dont want to be with any of them and that im useing them. i have been used everytime and now im doing the useing.