hrm

So i was haveing a good day but all of a sudden it went to shit. started thinging about my life. never a good thing. after all my relationships i have come to this conclotuion. im ment to be alone. i so want to be with someone so much that it messes all my relationships up. and any chances i have with new girls. not to mention all my baggage.i put everything into my relationships. be extreamly tentative to them and that pushes them away. i dont do the push pull thing as my friend has told me before. its not in my nature. the girls that i want to be with need the push pull but the girls that are atracted to me but i m not realy into(bigger girls) dont mind it. i think i have to focus on me for a few years. get my baggage down to a more aceptable level. besides all my major mistacks have been because of girls. women fuck up my disitions. i would be so much further along if i didnt let women alter my disitions.

so work is going ok. hours are short as hell. i know long term its a good job. but the short term it sucks. i need about $400 a month more to be a safe level of liveing. i dont know what to do. i have been looking for a part time job but nothing works well with the time i have avalable. im kinda stuck. there are jobs that are full time that pay more but i dont think i can switch now. i hate changeing jobs to begin with. and the way things are now....i dont want to take the chance