Hard day today and ahead

I beleave I have reached my limit. I can't take not talking to her any more. I have to do something about it. But I can't do anything about it. Lol. I'm tierd of useing a friend to pass a massege to her about a movie then my stuff that's still there. I give up. The stuff isn't that important. I just wanted to be around her/esence. To feel conected to her some how.She's an amazing person. She makes me smile all the time and she's not even trying to. It's killing me not being able to talk to her but I know it's the right thing. If I talk to her or she talks to me before she knows what she wants. She may choose the wrong path that would make her happy. I don't want to put her in that situation. I will be her friend if that's the only way I can have her in my life. A friend is better than not haveing her in my life. Her family for that matter too. I do belive that I can't see her for a time. How long u ask....idk a month two maybe longer. How ever long it takes for me to control my love for her to a friend level. It will take time. Some of my friends say I need to hit the bars and just get out there and get a girl and have a fun night and move on. I'm not like that. I haven't had sex in two or so weeks when ever grace and I did it last. And I most likely won't have sex again for a long time. Months if not a year or longer. I have to be in a relationship to have sex. Just who I am. Since I have had my heart stomped on twice in a row now I'm not sure I will ever look for someone to be with. I gave it my all and I got rejected. Now it could have been like my one friend said. I was cheated on the whole time but I don't think grace could have done that the whole time. She would have ended it much sooner then she did. Don't get me wrong I have my suspition about one guy and I would say they hooked up....deffenetly once most likely three times when grace and I were together. I think I know this would have been the outcome and that's why I didn't that our last kiss to the next step or it could have been the fact that if we did have sex we would have stayed together. And I know that wasn't the right thing to do. I'm too good for my own good. I think I'm done with dateing forever. Far as grace goes right Noe I have to stay away. I know if I showed up at her house we would have sex and likely get back together for a time then braeke up then back again then brake up. It would go on for a time until it got to weird or something. But it would end at some point. And only bring more pain in he long run. Would I be a booty call for her. Maybe. Depends how the friendship is. If we weren't realy friends then ya. Less of a chance of getting the feelings back but if we are good friends then no or maybe. Fuck it's just a bad idea all around. I would be wanting more and she wouldn't. It's done and I have to move on. Not like my friends say to but my way. I have to find something that's mine and mine alone to do. Shoot it's late I better go to bed.